Ladies and Gentleman who lunch Parisian style

Some days just feel more like cosmic jokes than others....and maybe Mom has now finally learned that there is some truth to that age-old adage, "Beware of what you wish for". Ever since last year the resounding chorus and theme from her has been, "You never take me anywhere. I haven't been to Iceland". Oh, well, she will have to pick some other theme song like, "You never take me anywhere because I've never been to an obscure monastery down a road of 99 twists and 49 u-turns inTibet" because we have done Iceland...or Iceland is trying to do us in...one or the other.It started relatively harmless enough (I am presently writing this as the typing is being drowned out by a howling wind outside accompanied by rain) on Icelandair from JFK - Reykjavik. For those of us in the airline industry, I know there is not a lot to appreciate about our jobs anymore but the fact that we can fly business or first with a fair degree of frequency is a freaking blessing. For the first time in 15 years, I bought a revenue ticket for what Icelandair refers to as "M" class. Obviously, M class means MOO...as in cow...as in cattle otherwise known as economy class. Ah, the indignity of it all...5 1/2 hours of the claasic complaints...little leg room and flight attendants that can't help but bump into you because they have no room to manuveur..but thankfully it was all over around 2a.m. our time.And really...Day 1 was harmless enough. We checked into our hotel, took a nap and then carried on to put a dent in the 20 things you should do (according to What to do in Reykjavik magazine) if you only have one day in town. So we ate the Icelandic doughnuts...kleiners (the ei is pronounced like the "a" in baby...who knew?), found great cafe lattes (everything is imported in Iceland save for the smoked puffin and the putrified shark meat...how lucky for us!! If you get a craving for either of those, you know where to go!! Anyway, obviously they import some good tasting stuff, i.e. coffee beans) and even found the place where one must have a hot dog. But we were always full or had just finished a terrific meal so we never actually tried the hot dog. Had excellent lamb and snapper and scallops at a chic-chic resturant called the Fish Market....and Mom said the lobster soup (lobster= crayfish here) was yummy. That little meal only set us back $100 but hey, no tipping necessary; it's already built into the price of the meal. The Icelanders don't believe in tipping and who am I to argue with local custom? I know there are more things that happened yesterday but it is already a blur because today was so...memorable.And again it started off harmlessly enough. A buffet breakfast...now mind you, yesterday I thought having marinated herring was the best breakfast idea and ate it with abandon feeling very Icelandic, almost like a native in the process. Today I couldn't even bear the smell of it. It took a hot minute to be craving cereal and eggs and toast and...you get the idea. I had some fruit...again remember nothing grows here on Iceland except for grain for cows, hay (does one grow hay?) and lava fields...the fruit was tart. I figured a hard-boiled egg would be a safe bet...and it was. No lack of boiling water around here!!!So off we went to see another part of this island nation...keep in mind, that only 40% of the island is habitable....which makes me wonder with such low odds why inhabit it at all?! And after battling Mother Nature today that thought has intensified. I think she really is saying, "Get the hell out of here...or I'll bring hell to you". We start off with a 1 1/2 hour drive to a place called Geyser Teutron...I think I just made that name up. This, after all, is the land that created the word "geyser"...so we saw the actually geyser that is the mother of all geysers including the word. The defintion of geyser would have a picture of this geyser as the originator of all things spouting or spewing...It erupts about every 4 minutes and in its heyday made Old Faithful look like a very unreliable, cheating lover. But this is no longer its heyday but it's still pretty fun to see...and combine it with a wind and rain storm and it's all very adventure-travel-ish. We braved the elements long enough to get a few photos...always hiting the shutter on the camera a milli-second too late to actually get a photo of the geyser erupting so you'll just have to take my word for it. I have some great photos of the after-glow!! And lots of photos of what is affectionately called Little Geysir which is very reliable to photograph if you like a collection of photos of...boiiling water. Tea, anyone?Having had enough of the authentic nature experience, we head indoors to enjoy a multi-media presentation of the area complete with a "fake earthquake"...the elevator in our hotel when it stops at our floor shakes more than this exhibit did!! And to escape the elements we looked at photos in relative comfort of that which we had just witnessed outside. Time to get back on the bus after a brief lunch of Icelandic Meat Stew (I'm hoping it was lamb...I'm asuming it was lamb...but "meat" is such a general term). Just as we're getting on the bus, the rain has taken a turn to hail...ah, the Ice in Iceland...of course....Five minutes later we are driving onward through more riveting Icelandic countryside...let me see if I can bring you along on this part of the journey...lets see....lava mountains, mossy craggs, lava mountains, mossy craggs...oh, wait there are some horses...oh, watch out for that sheep...lava monutains, mossy craggs, oh, there's some steamy hot pot over there...and times that by100 kilometres and you are right there with us. Except you are not getting pelted by hail...or drenched in rain...or windburn on your face. No fun for you!!!!We arrive at the Gullfoss waterfalll...famous I'l have you know (granted I have never heard of it before...Niagara...yes, Iguassu, yes...Victoria Falls...yes...Gullfoss...news to me). But here we are and at 33 meters/99 feet high it is a must-see. And I imagine on a bright, sunny day it must be enchanting. The rain has let up for a bit so we descend the wooden walkway to a vantage point...and it is beautiful, powerful and undeniably worth seeing. But wait...we can get closer. Mom is determined to not miss a twist or turn of this scenic wonder so down and then up and then down and then up the now gravel, puddle-laden path we go...oh, is it raining again? Oh, no that would be the mist from the waterfall...the drenching from the underworld that I am convinced lives here in Iceland. I am so glad I wore my cashmere and angora Calvin Klein winter white coat today (sorry but that is as rustic as I know how to get) and yes, I am wearing high heels but come on, they are practical...they have rubber soles and a stacked heel. New York in the house!!!. Mom has on everything she owns...two hats, 2 shirts, a coat that is waterproof with a hood, gloves....and she is soaked. But we see the falls up close and personal as she reminds me, "We ain't coming back so...." I think to myself, "Thank God...but that only means someplace else will fill in the blank for the you-never-take-me-anywhere mantra real soon".Now, there have been stories told over the years...albeit exaggerated and false...that I have been trying to do Mom in by sending her on little adventures....over live volcanoes, across raging rivers on ziplines, etc...but I swear that was not my intention on today's excursion...and yet trekking back from the waterfall I thought, "This may be it". But she made it make to the bus...granted breathing heavy and exhausted,,,wait, maybe that was me...who knows? No, really beautiful waterfall...enough said.As if all of this wasn't enough excitement, there was still one more stop to make (hell, I hadn't dried off/thawed out from the last stop but when in Iceland...), the place that was the site of the original Parliament. That suggests there would be a building of some sort, right? Oh, no...guess again. Evidently, back in the mini-Ice Age or whenever Parliament started these people just pitched tents on thiis site and they picked this spot for its great acoustical qualities...in other words, great echo through the fissures created by....drumroll please....the teutonic plates. Yes, this huge crack in the terrain that is Iceland is where these people decided ...well, to decide things. Where the American plate attempts to meet the Euratic plate...this is where the settlers thought they should hang their "Home Sweet Home" sign. Today it is a National Park that moves 2 centimeters a year. So we had to see the geographic wonder...which could only mean the rain and wind was sure to follow...and if on some sort of cosmic cue, we exit the bus and bam....torrential rains and hign winds make it...memorable and laughable...can fire and brimstone be in the forecast for tomorrow? Stay tuned....